MUSLIM CHILDREN IN HOLLAND[*]

J.M.S. Baljon

 The most important questions we put ourselves while preparing this paper were:

(1) In what aspects Muslim children differ from Dutch children (Christian and non-Christian) and what do they have in common?

(2) What are the possibilities to educate the child as a Muslim child in the West European cultural climate?

The most important Muslim groups in Holland are formed by immigrant workers from Morocco and Turkey (since + 1970), followed by their families, and the Muslims hailing from Suriname. Their total number is about 300,000, so that in Holland at present Islam is the second religion. To be brief, I restrict myself to the Mediterranean group. Although I am fully aware of the differences between Turks and Moroccans, I will treat them as one entity. In the scope of my subject it might be even more appropriate to make a distinction between migrants who come from villages and those from towns. However, in spite of ethnic differences, the similarities between the groups appeared to be striking, especially regarding first, family system and relations, second, the role of women and men, and, third, ends and means of education.

By these three points the main cultural differences between the Netherlands (West Europe) and the Mediterranean Muslim cultures are indicated. I do realise the danger that lies in generalizations. The difference, for example, between a Western educated physician in Rabat and a Berber peasant from the Rif mountains will be much greater than that between this physician and his colleague in, say, Bordeaux. The same can be said about very strict orthodox Christian groups in Holland who have sometimes more in common with Rif vilagers than with compatriot artists in Amsterdam. But, still, the bulk of the migrant workers in this country come either directly from agrarian areas or have first migrated to a city and then to Europe, keeping ties with their villages. Only very few come from intellectual classes.

Family System. Many migrant workers originate from an “extended family,” i e. a family in which three or more generations are living together : when the sons marry they stay and live with their wives and children in their fathers’ house. Such a family used to be an economic unit and in agrarian areas it was more or less self-supporting

On the other side we have the modern family where father and mother and children live apart, on their own, the so-called “nuclear family”. At present this is the rule in Western Europe and is no longer an exception in Mediterranean countries, especially in the cities and industrial areas, being a concomitant to the evolution from agrarian to industrial societies It is an easily understandable pro­cess : as long as the family was self-supporting, an economic unit of production and consumption, the father could exert his authority and the sons had to submit to it But when a son got to work in a factory and to earn his own income, his father’s authority in the economic field automatically diminisned. There was less need to stay at home, and so the family began to split up. However, as a rule, the change was not too radical and, as we shall see later, family ties still remained very strong. Migrant workers in Holland come mostly from an extended family. Some other striking aspects of the Mediterranean family system are:

(a) In-group versus Oat-group. I12-group is the people with whom you have a personal relation: family, friends. Members of an in-group give mutual help, are responsible for each other, can depend on each other’s solidarity. Out-group is strangers, outsiders, to-wards whom feelings of reserve, distance, competition, even hatred, animosity may prevail. As a result of this dichotomy in in-group and out-group we also observe two different codes of behaviour. In regard to the out-group it is necessary to dominate the situation, in regard to the in-group the rule is : “You have got to help your friends and relations, even if they are wrong.”[1]

(b) Honour and Shame, another aspect of family-life on which many codes of behaviour are based. Honour is here not a personal quality, but a point which regards the whole group, and for which the whole group is responsible. This latter point explains the strong mutual control in the group. Generally speaking, we can say that hospitality, generosity, modesty, discretion, the capacity to avoid conflicts risking your life for the well-being of the group, are characteristics that give honour, prestige.- But of supreme importance is the chaste and worthy behaviour of the female members of the group. Here the mutual control is very severe.

(c) The Group Comes before Individual Members. The person is subordinated to the group as a whole. This notion is much stronger. in Mediterranean countries than in West Europe, and it has momen­tuous implications in the field of education : the personal development of the child does not come first, but his functioning as a member of the group.

Members are responsible, not only for honour and prestige of the group, but also for each other’s well-being. It is a duty to take care of sick, poor and old relatives, and this claim remains equally relevant when you are working in Europe.

(d) The last distinction between the Mediterranean and the European family of importance to immigrants lies in the psychological realm, viz. between the positional and the personal family.[2]

The positional family, not typically Muslim, can be found in places with little social mobility, so again in rural areas. It presup­poses a stable social environment In the family, and in the society, every member has his/her place and knows what is expected from him/ her. Mutual understanding is quickly gained. It is a kind of family that gives certainty and helps a child to establish his own identity.

Everybody knows that a specified place in the social order demands a fixed role and implies inherent obligations and prerogatives.

A child that asks “why must I do this ? “ gets the answer : “Because you are a boy/girl” (sex role), or “Because you are the youngest” (seniority), or “Because your father tells you to do it”(hierarchy).

The problems arise when this child (or adult) has to find his way in another society. The reverse side of certainty and safety turns out to be a lack of flexibility. The personal family which predominates in Western Europe is to be found in societies with greater social mobility. The code of behaviour is not founded on a fixed social order with a clear hierarchy but on a number of basic feelings (e.g. not harming the other, honesty). From a very young age the child gets used to he idea that more than one reaction on a given situation is possible. Which answer is given depends on his/her personal decision. It cannot be denied that even in this kind of families the parents (in the first place) play an important role in the structuring of the child’s super ego.

On the question of the child “Why must I do this ?” the mother’s answer in a Dutch family is not : “You are a girl, and girls have to do the washing up,” but : “You are the only one at home now, and I have a bad headache ; would you like me to be working in the kitchen then ?” So an appeal is made on the personal feelings of the child. But the parents know that the (desired) reaction won’t be automatic. Hence there remains an openness to other focuses, and the goal of our Western education is to help the child make his own personal decision. The advantage is that the child develops a certain sense for other people’s feelings and expectations in different cosmologies, acquiring in this way a greater flexibility in different social surround­ings. The disadvantage can be that there often remains a certain doubt if the expression of the feelings and assumptions reaches the other (“How am I understood ?”). Another drawback can be that a child has too little certainty about his own place and his own identity. I know modern parents in our country who are so afraid to “force a role on their children” that they refrain principally from giving their boys technical toys, for instance, or dolls to girls. “They must find their own preference and identity,” they say, forgetting that part of that identity is what the environment expects from them. In some cases it is thus made very hard for the adoles­cents to know who they are, and unpleasant issues are the result.

Now what happens when a Mediterranean man with this back-ground has left his village to work in Europe ? His wife stays behind with the children, either living with his- parents, or in a separate house, but mostly close to the family. As long as the children are small, things are not too bad : the mother takes care of the children at home, and one of the male relatives looks after the “out” affairs. But when the children, especially the boys, grow older, over seven, eight years, they also go “out” into the male world, and here the mother cannot enter and looses control over them. There are many variations possible but the fact is that this kind of problems con­cerning chiefly the education of his children induces a man to the decision of letting his family come over to Holland. This course of affairs started about 1970. Statistics tell us that in that year 82.2% of the migrant population from Mediterranean countries was econo­mically active, in 1974, only 34%, and in I975 the total amount had gone down to 24%[3].

But alas, once the family arrived in Holland, other troubles arise. The primary cause of the new difficulties, as events proved, is the different approach of children by Dutch and Moroccan parents. Therefore, it might be useful to dwell at some length on this matter.

A Dutch baby’s life is at first rather strictly regulated. Not many mothers give it breast-feeding longer than three months; usually the child is suckled at fixed times, gets fixed quantities and is put in bed between the meals in a separate room. During its first years a Mediterranean child is treated in a much easier and relaxed manner. It can suck whenever it feels hungry, and if it cries there is always somebody near by to take it into one’s arms or to rock it.

But later on, when the children grow a bit older, Dutch patents, as a rule, become rather permissive and friendly towards them, whereas Moroccan parents begin to show a certain formality and distance towards them, in particular in the more traditional families. Their authority, they think, requires such an attitude. In her study of Moroccan families in Holland, Mrs van den Berg reports a conversation she had with a young Mediterranean mother who was proud of her seven-year old daughter, for she could already do the washing up and tidy the kitchen. In her opinion a girl of ten ought to be able to manage the whole household. When Mrs v.d. Berg was a little complaining about her own young daughter, the other mother said : “You approach it from the wrong end. You, Dutch, have a far too informal way of dealing with your children. They are not your friends ; are they ? If you don’t keep more distance, she, will never do as you tell her…”[4]

Yet, in, spite of the demand of strict obedience, conflicts run high in these families. I will mention two reasons which give rise to frictions.

(a) During the period that father was in Holland and wife and children in Morocco, either some other (male) relative had to exert father’s authority (with more or less success) or the boy himself had to do this toward the younger children. In both cases they outgrew each other, and it is easily understood that it is difficult for the son after so many years to play again the role of obedience and submis­siveness which his father expects from him. It happens that the father asks the police or the teachers at school to take over his authority (which these refuse). In most cases they establish a kind of “avoidance relations” : both of them take care that the contacts are scarce and superficial.

(b) At school the children meet an absolutely contrasting atmos­phere. In the Dutch school system it is not the functioning in the group that comes in the first place, but the development of the child as an independent individual So discipline is slack (certainly in Moroccan eyes), the intercourse between teachers and children is informal and open; talking about everything, with the inclusion of sex, is stimulated. This is difficult for the Muslim parents but is also confusing for their children who are living in two separa’e worlds.

Now I will elaborate on some variations of these problems, and the connection they have with the age of the children, the activity and degree of education of the mother (if she has a job or not, for example) and the adaptation of the children to the school.

As for the age of the children, on arrival in Holland we can distinguish three groups: pre-school-age (0-6 years), school-age (6-13) and boys and girls of 13-24 years

{a) Pre-school Age. In Holland children younger than two years stay at home, or go to play-rooms-for-toddlers (two to four years) or crṭches (under two years). At the age of four, children can go to the kindergarten, infant school.

The crucial point of the child’s contacts with the institutions lies in the language. Very young children easily pick up a foreign language, but only superficially. At the same time they quite soon forget their mother’s language and begin to speak with a stammer, for both the parents working all day do not have sufficient time to talk with the child. Thus the child knows neither language really well and this causes an estrangement which hinders the emotional and mental development. It would be best if there could be a bilingual staff in the crṭches and play-rooms so that they could speak and develop their own language at the same time getting some familiarity with Dutch in a safe environment. There are some crṭches with a mixed staff and members of these staffs are usually entirely devoted to their task. Unfortunately they are too few in number. Hence the Muslim parents have to look for other solutions.

If the mother does not work outdoors, it is better for the young children. The disadvantage of this is that the mother has no contacts with Dutch life, so she remains a stranger in the society into ‘which the children will enter in a few years. She has had no opportunity to adapt and learn. If both father and mother work outdoors, the awkward situation that arises is evident. In most cases the parents are so busy with material and financial problems (often necessary because of the claim of support by the family in Morocco or Turkey) that they have no idea of the increasing estrangement between them and their children.

Added to the language problem is the ambiguity of the parents towards the host country. Many of them still have the intention to go back home once and not to return in Europe any more. The ties with the home country and family are very strong. On the other hand, the economic impossibility to return to the home’ country for him becomes more and more apparent. Consequently the children live in a kind of no-man’s-land between two countries, two cultures, two languages, between staying and returning. As for them the home country is farther away than for their parents ; this intensifies the estrangement.[5]

When at arrival in Holland the children are of school age, the troubles emerge even quicker. Often there had already been prob­lems in the home country, owing to the father’s absence, and mostly these were exactly the reason for the family reunion. The children, in particular the boys, of this age have to some extent already developed their own cultural pattern. They have some experience with the Moroccan school system : classical, the teacher is a (severe) authority, what he says cannot be questioned, he keeps aloof, he can even beat you. The Dutch teacher with his easy ways is, in the boy’s eyes, soft, effeminate, he shows no authority, so the boy feels no respect for him. Moreover, the boy is continuously in a position of inferiority: he is in a strange environment, he does not speak the language properly. His upbringing has taught him that it is unmanly to be in such a position: if it happens to you, you must either try to regain command, or otherwise evade the dishonourable plight. Consequently, at first his motivation to learn the Dutch language is very strong. However, if the response of the school on this desire is slow or not adequate, he soon looses his motivation and retires from the lessons in order to compensate his inferiority in other ways : in aggressive behaviour to other boys, in the association of gangs, thefts, etc.

These are extreme examples, but even if-the boy manages more or less in the school he has to lead a split life: at school, the inter-course with the teacher is informal and friendly, he is stimulated to formulate his own opinion and to behave as an independent personality (the more so regarding his fellow-pupils). At home, he has to be considerate towards his father, obedient, respectful, must not show his emotions, should accept the decisions of his parents regarding his future, work and marriage. The parents are convinced that the Dutch school corrupts their children and undermines their authority.

For the girls the problems are a bit different: they are more used to being in a situation of inferiority, and aggression in a girl is never accepted. So they adapt themselves more easily. But they are sooner kept home to look after the younger children; a girl’s chances on advanced education, therefore, are much smaller since father often does not think it necessary.

At present there are special classes: “linking classes” to help the children in adapting to the Dutch school. Also there are special teachers (Moroccan, Turkish) available as soon as fifteen foreign pupils can be brought together for lessons in their own language and culture.

For girls and boys of sixteen to eighteen years the adaptation is mostly very hard, For them school is no longer obligatory, but they can attend part-time education for two days a week. This is done in special institutions. It is very useful for the newly arrived young people: they can learn the language and get information about Holland, their work, possibilities and rights. Some, however, do not want to miss the wages of these two days. Sometimes it is difficult to convince the fathers that it is good for the girl and safe for the family honour since there are only girls in the group and only female teachers. Still it is often the mother whose opinion is decisive: either she doesn’t want to stay alone those two days or she agrees that the girl must not stay isolated, and then the girl gets permission to go!

Religion Islam is a unifying factor, especially for the first generation of migrant workers: most of them are educated in religious tradition and had attended Qur’an schools. For the second genera­tion it is more complicated: these children go/went to Dutch schools and are influenced by the Western European style of life. Their father’s work makes it difficult for them to perform the salāt five times a day; at the most they can do it in the evening. Consequently the children pick up the ritual only incompletely unless the parents are very pious and consciously work on it. How strictly the obligation to perform the salāt is kept depends on sex, age, background and education. OIder men from the Rif mountains, or the regions round Tanger and Tetuan are, as a rule, most strict. It is also they who are always urging for mosques and Qur’ān schools. Not without result : by now there are in Holland more than sixty places for worship, mosques, or other buildings where the Muslims can gather for the Friday salāt in most of the places where Muslims are con­centrated. Also there are set up more and more Qur’ān schools.

If the younger generation of Muslims in our country becomes a bit neglective of the salāt, Ramadan is observed by most of the Muslims, young and old. They buy the special food that is (to be) eaten during these weeks in Morocco or Turkey during their holidays or their relatives take it with them to Holland. They are more often ill than in other periods. This is partly caused by fatigue and shortage of sleep, but also by psychic stress. They feel more than usually “apart” from their environment. During lunch time in factories they retire together. Their mutual solidarity and ties with the Muslim community are stronger.

There are a few factories that have a special time-table during this period, enabling the Muslims to go home early in the afternoon. For the migrants without a family it is more difficult to fast. But as soon as their family is there they are strict in observing it (partly because then the problem of cooking the meal at night is solved, partly because the social control is stronger).

The dietary laws are an important factor to strengthen the identity of the Muslims and their children as being “different” from the “impure” others. Not only is it prohibited to eat pork, also the animals must be slaughtered in the right way according to Quranic prescriptions. This can be done at most of the abattoirs. It is actually an impediment to entering into close relations with the Dutch, since the Muslims always (often) keep a slight suspicion that the food be impure.

The main festivities celebrated by the Muslims in Holland are: the feast of immolation ; the sacrifice after the birth of a child ; (tandrah) circumcision.

`īd al-Adhā. Migrants who are alone in Holland mostly go to their home country for this festivity. But as soon as their family is with them they remain in Holland and celebrate it together. There have been some difficulties to overcome, especially because the rules for the ritual slaughtering on this occasion are stricter than usual. For Dutch officials it was hard to recognise that it is impossible for Muslims to accept the electrical anaesthesia of the animal. It also was difficult for them to understand why the sons should be present at the ceremony. As the director of an abattoir put it : “It made the whole affair so chaotic.” How to explain that it is vital for this feast that the father can teach his son the way of slaughtering. Let us hope that they will learn to accept it.

‘Aqīqah. Since the Moroccans in Holland have found ways to slaughter illegally, they kill a sheep and give this feast after almost the birth of each child. It gives a lot of pleasure and bustle. The women help each other, cakes and bread are baked, couscous is steamed, the meat of sheep and chicken is prepared. Often friends and family from France and Belgium come over… It need not be held exactly on the seventh day after the birth. Mostly it is done on a Saturday night. It often is an expensive affair, but it gives prestige, and they enjoy it.

Khitān is mostly celebrated amist the relatives in Morocco. The family would not accept it otherwise. As there is a Iarge range of time in which it can be done (seven days—thirteen years, though the Moroccans prefer to do it before the boy is six years), this can be arranged quite well : if they cannot afford it during one holiday, they wait till the next.

How religiosity will develop in the second generation has still to be awaited. There is little reason to fear that the Dutch government will hinder them in this respect. For the greater part the result depends on the Muslim parents themselves.

NOTES